Well it finally happened.

You know when you talk to people who have lost a great deal of weight, and they say something like "I saw the pictures from my daughter's wedding and realized I needed to lose weight"? It was the hubbie's childhood friend's wedding, and the one picture I have seen shows me I need to lose weight.

When I was a kid, weight was never an issue. I was very active, and had a fast metabolism. I never stopped eating like I had a fast metabolism, though. If I want a brownie, and we have some I eat a brownie. As a teenager, I wasn't overweight, but I started to gain weight when I was 19. I think that was when my metabolism started to slow down. But I wasn't conscious enough of what the problem was to address it then. I really started to gain weight AFTER I had each kid. After Julia was born I put on about 30lbs, and never tried to lose them. After Joe, I put on 50lbs right away and just kept going. I've never been really successful with weight loss, to be honest. The concept of watching what I eat, or exercising over a long period of time in order to live a healthier lifestyle? Foreign to me. It's like Greek to me.

I was going to do a 5K in December with a few friends, but I didn't even bother signing up for it because I know I won't train for it. I can't even walk up to the bus stop with Joe. I always drive up. It feels like too much. I probably need to lose at least 90 pounds. Can't I just do a lose 10 pounds a week diet? Make smaller goals. I hear that all the time. But I've never been able to meet the small goals. I get discouraged and give up. I feel like I am getting discouraged and giving up before I even start.

You know what I would rather do? I'd rather just convince myself that the dress wasn't flattering, that I really don't look like that. Honestly, that is probably what I will end up doing.